You’ve been really good and haven’t slipped once all day! You went out for lunch with a friend, and didn’t succumb to a pudding, although your friend had a gooey chocolate cake! You’ve even scraped the children’s leftovers into the bin without eating a morsel! Then your husband arrived home after a really good day at work, clutching a box of chocolates just for you!! Aaaaaa!! you scream, then sulk. He thought you’d love them, but of course, that’s the trouble, you do! But one taste and you’ll have to eat the whole box.

HOW COULD HE!!

 This sort of thing happens when you find it difficult to let people know what you need from them, whether it’s practical help, encouragement or support. It’s often something women find particularly hard to cope with. We know what we would like from other people, but somehow we don’t get round to asking for it, then we get upset or angry when things don’t go the way we expect them. We all need help and we must try to ask for help.

Being unable to ask for help has two main results. One is that people, however well meaning, get it wrong. They can’t mind read, so can act in ways that are unhelpful. You start to feel resentful and somewhere along the line you explode.

Asking in the wrong way takes two forms. One is to demand (this can often seem to be nagging) so members of the family don’t always feel they want to help. This can go hand in hand with the accusation, You never help me. Asking the wrong way can also confuse your husband or family. For instance, you say, Would you like to have chicken and salad for supper?, when what you really mean is. Would you mind if I don’t do a fry-up because I’ll want to eat it myself and break my diet? A simple no to your first question might make you angry. He knows I’m trying to lose weight, he must be wanting to spite me! But does he know? It would have been much better to have said ‘’We’re having chicken and salad tonight, I know it’s not your favourite‘’, but it helps me to diet if we all eat the same. You must know what it is you want from another person. When it comes to dieting, this is connected to understanding what triggers your desire to overeat, or to eat all the wrong things. Does anxiety, anger, boredom set you off eating all the wrong things. If you can identify what triggers this sort of eating, you might be able to prevent it. Perhaps you’re feeling over-worked, perhaps you’re feeling tired, perhaps you could do with some practical help. If you can’t bear to throw food away, ask for help to clear the table and with the washing up.

You want encouragement with your dieting. You need to be complimented on the fact that you’ve lost weight. Tell your husband and family that you’d like to be complimented if they’ve noticed you’ve lost a few pounds. Tell them you want lots of encouragement.

Of course asking for help doesn’t mean you will always get it. Just as you are free to say no, so is the other person. Don’t take this personally, people’s needs clash, but don’t let that stop you asking again. The next time they’ll probably say yes to you and then the occasional refusal is much easier to cope with.

So remember, be direct, don’t nag, and try to explain why you need help and, of course, don’t forget to say. Thank You!