A Story From Jan

The following contribution is from Jan, in her own inimitable style!

Ladies - I 'wanna' tell you a story - are you sitting comfortably, then I'll begin

A year or so ago, there appeared in the Sunday tabloids an advertisement for some 'new miracle' slimming tablets, showing photo's of men and women - before and after taking the tablets.  Mind you, I was a little worried, not only had they supposedly lost all this weight BUT they had also changed facially AND the man had lost the hair from his chest!! Could they be the same people we hear you ask?!? 
As we are all hoping for a miracle, much interest was shown by members, so we were asked to check the advert out.  As the Super Slim address seemed a little obvious we thought it would be better if I sent for the tablets from my home, which duly arrived and the list of ingredients were studied and interpreted.  We say 'interpreted' because means had been employed to make this quite difficult.  It was discovered that they were mainly laxatives closely followed by sea-weed, a little dandelion and herbal extracts thrown in (for taste!)  However, what we didn't know at the time was that the address was a 'very dubious' shop in Birmingham and ever since then I have been receiving plain brown envelopes from there - not to mention very funny looks from the postman and not wanting to sound somewhat rude, probably more effective ways to 'burn off' calories than the slimming tablets!!!
BUT ladies, this week on opening my plain brown envelope I received my introductory offer to THE SLIMMING PATCH - Wow!!
Recently Radio 4 did a three way interview about this 'new miracle'.  Initially they spoke to a top nutritionist and then to a very, very irate doctor who were both fed up with "slimming gimmicks" for desperate over-weight people.  They totally dismissed this patch along with any other products which are supposed to help us lose weight, as sheer money grabbing garbage.  Radio 4 then spoke to Mr Robert Slater the Marketing Manager of the Slimming Patch.  He started by saying that he wasn't getting a fair hearing because of what the doctors had said and then went on to say that although he had been approached by his American counterparts to sell them over here there was NO written report on the findings as yet.
(By this time he was squirming!!) He then went on to say that Slimming Patches were not for really overweight people but for just 'slightly' overweight people AND even they are expected to diet sensibly at the same time!!! 
When he was asked what they contained he said sea-kelp and herbal extracts (heard that somewhere before!!)
My offer started at £7.75 a week!! 
I have recently had a member join who had tried them and I must admit her weight didn't stay the same - she gained half a stone (and in two weeks at Super Slim has lost it) But thinking about it I did wonder if she was using the patches correctly so I thought I would show her and the other members the only way I could think of to make sure a Slimming Patch would work, so, taking along to class a look-a-like band-aid plaster (works just as well) I carefully removed the back and strategically placed it - OVER MY MOUTH!!  Because that's the only way I can think of to make a Slimming Patch work!